Thursday, October 3, 2013

Step Three: Indulge Him

This sort of seems counter-intuitive, but to get your husband to do what you want, let him do what he wants.
I think I get the most flack for this part of my relationship with Mr. E, but it's what works for us and might work for you, too! There are a lot of things about my husband that I don't quite understand (football. leveling up characters in Mass Effect 3. his affinity for drying knives) but I roll with it all because it's important to him. I'm sure I have plenty of quirks that he scratches his head at (fabric types. which pan is best for stir-fry. why he can't use my Wii remote).
The trick is that by including him in the conversation and validating his interests as just as important as my own, he's much more approachable about other subjects because he knows that his opinion is valued. 
Interpretation is important. I'm not "allowing" or "letting" my husband do anything. That implies a level of control and pants-wearing that we don't subscribe to. 
We strive to keep our lives as balanced as possible: there are things we do together but there are also things we like to do alone- even if we're in the same room as each other. There are plenty of projects or activities we would rather do as a couple, like watching a show together, or running errands, but just as often we are content to sit in the same room while he plays a game online with his brother and I sew. 
It's all a matter of perspective. Since I have my own projects that I prefer to do alone, I'm not constantly nagging Mr. E to do something with me. That way, when I need his help or would prefer his company, he doesn't feel obligated to make me happy.
By agreeing to encourage and support his hobbies, I'm ensuring support for mine as well- fair's only fair, right? I figure as long as we talk about why we want it, how we can benefit from it or why it would make us happy, then we're not side-lined with any passive-aggressive feelings.
Right? RIGHT? Maybe I haven't been married long enough. ;)

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Mrs. E