You Might Not Want to Know

NaBloPoMo Feb 2013: Love & Sex


When do you feel your sexiest?

When I'm focused on my husband.
Sunday mornings.
After a shower.
In heels.
After a work-out. And then a shower.
Whenever I listen to Doris Troy's "Just One Look"

If you'll notice, a lot of these times are self-made. As in, they don't just happen to me, I endeavor to make them happen. Because feeling sexy- feeling beautiful and confident- is important. Because when I'm happy, my man's happy.

I've never taken much stock in how sexy I look. Attractive, sure. Beautiful, yes. But sexy? Was never really the look I tried to achieve. One of the great things about Mr. E is his constant appraisal of how I look. Whether I'm knee deep ocean waves or showing him my new haircut, he always takes the time to let me know just how sexy I am. And THAT is when I feel sexiest.


This marks Day 28, people. As in done with February's NaBloPoMo. Thank goodness, because if I had to type "sex" one more time I thought my ears might fall off. It's a good thing I've never foreseen romance novel-writing in my future...

Does this mean I'll stop writing every day? No. But I certainly won't feel obligated or pressured to do so either. I want to keep you updated on what I'm doing, I want to record all of my projects at home, I want a record of the movies we watch and the things we do. I want you to know exactly how Mr. E and I are going through life one weekend at a time.

So I'll keep the weekend picture updates. Because goodness knows I take enough pictures of Ripley. But this is also the story of me. And what I do to make myself happy with my life- which in large part is keeping Mr. E happy, too. 

Sit down, stay tuned and watch out. Our life is just beginning.

[E]motion

NaBloPoMo Feb 2013: Love & Sex


Mae West described sex as "emotion in motion." Unpack this idea in a post.
Brace yourselves. It's about to get...rough? Rowdy? Randy? Romantic? 

When a man and a woman love each other....

I love my husband. I like to think we have an immensely healthy relationship. Not because we've learned to compromise. Not because we strive to put each other first. Not because we actively enjoy each other's company...But because we've learned how to communicate with one another.
"Don't underestimate the importance of BODY LANGUAGE."
acrophotography.com
I agree with Ms. West. Sex, at it's rawest form is emotion- a way of communicating feelings without words. We certainly have a lot of words to describe sex, and each of them have a different connotation, don't they? No two...sessions...are alike. They say something different, something unique each time. Having sex, making love, fooling around are all the same basic movements, the same general idea, but the emotions change. I certainly don't have the same mindset each time.

Maybe that's why sex is such a heated, polarizing topic. We're essentially speaking volumes without saying a word (or saying many of them, if that's your thing). We're emotionally bare, brutally honest and ....open in ways that many of us try to avoid. 
That's REALLY scary. 
And incredibly humbling. 
And probably something that your significant other would prefer to keep within the relationship (unless THAT'S your thing). 

Emotions are finicky creatures- they're loyal to themselves- not you- often betraying how you think you should feel. They upstage your senses, make you feel things you do not.want.to.feel. 
My drama teacher in high school once told us there's a heated debate over whether sex on-stage is acting: because the two are so all-encompassing you can't really have sex (personally emotionally open) and act (pretending to be emotionally open as someone else) at the same time. This doesn't seem to stop the internet. But then again, I think we're talking about two different kinds of acting.
It's not all rainbows and love and everything wonderful in our home. There's a lot of stress, a lot of pressure and a lot of expectation (from ourselves and others). But our communication (our relationship, our connection with each other, our marriage) has never been better. 

You know, and the sex is great too.

Sex Education

NaBloPoMo Feb 2013: Love & Sex


Do you think sex education should come from the parents, the school, or a mix of both?

Whoa! Talk about controversial. I think this has too many layers: relationships between parents, relationships with parents, with teachers, with schoolmates, attitudes, maturity, so on and so forth.

Ideally? Kids should be comfortable enough with the parents they can talk about sex. They're certainly inundated with it from a very young age. Just walking around the mall is like navigating a minefield- young adults and teens who are way too sexualized for their own good, ads, billboards, posters, store mannequins. And all you were trying to do was grab a pretzel. Regardless of how sex is addressed, it does need to be addressed, if only to answer questions from a reputable source.

If asking parents aren't an option, the next best thing might be to go to a teacher. I actually can't talk with any confidence about this because my school changed every four years. I didn't grow up with the same classmates or teachers, I didn't see them socially and I rarely made close relationships with them- so this whole business about trusting an adult that's not your parent is a LITTLE foreign to me. But from what I gather, teachers have the potential (and often times fill in) as parent-stand ins. So for a child to be taught about the ins and outs (haha- wrong crowd?) of sex by an adult they know and trust, this isn't such a big jump.
SEX?!
Personally? Sex education in school was awful. I wanted to know, but I was TERRIBLY shy. The students around me not only seemed to know more than I did but had no qualms about making jokes and using euphemisms I couldn't understand. This made it all way more mystifying and thus embarrassing for me to talk about. Children are notorious for exclusive behaviors and for such an intimate discussion, sex and sexuality is fiercely noticed, remarked on and ridiculed.
When I have kids I want them to know they can talk to me about it. If not me, hopefully they can go to any of their supportive family members (some of whom have been, in fact, health professionals). Ultimately I don't think that you can shelter your children from such stark conversations with their peers or the public. I would rather they experience these situations, but come away from them secure in their knowledge that any remaining concerns or feelings can always be brought home. 

Here's to living in a perfect world.
And closing my eyes against the thought of my future children trying to wrestle bananas and condoms before they skip to the cafeteria to enjoy chicken nuggets and chocolate milk.

Sex...y?

NaBloPoMo Feb 2013: Love & Sex



Do you think you would enjoy being a "sex symbol?"
Let's get those giggles out now, people. Would I enjoy it? Sure. For those first few photoshoots until someone had the nerve to criticize me. I do NOT take criticism well. I absorb criticism like a sponge. I take the time to taste it, each excruciating bite, savoring it all until I can break it down, digest it, and let it go.
I'm not skinny enough.
I'm not big enough.
I'm not toned enough.
I don't have any place in my own idea of what "sexy" is, but that doesn't mean that I can't be sexy. And it certainly doesn't mean that I don't try. 
I think sexy is relative. Objective. Dependent. 


And let's be honest, why would I want anyone other than my husband to symbolize me. I'll take your admiration and praise from something else, thanks.

LOVED this Weekend

NaBloPoMo Feb 2013: Love & Sex



Things we're very good at doing on weekends? Bumming on the couch watching movies. Feeding ourselves really good food. Hanging with family. 
  This weekend we took out Mr. E's grandma to watch his sister perform in The Man of La Mancha at The Attic. So cool to see my sister-in-law perform her extensive belly-dancing skills!

LOVED this Week

NaBloPoMo Feb 2013: Love & Sex



What do I love this week? How excited my puppy gets whenever we come home- just like the first time we go her. And also that she makes funny faces.

One Soul or Two?

NaBloPoMo Feb 2013: Love & Sex


Aristotle said, "Love is composed of a single soul inhabiting two bodies." Do you agree or disagree?

Tough one today. I'd have to disagree. While it sounds very romantic to be two parts of the same soul, separated but united at the same time, I don't think that's love. 
Or, at least, not the love that forces you to remind yourself why exactly you agreed to live together for the rest of your life.
It's not the kind of love that leaves you weak in the knees from a phone call when he's away for the weekend.
It's certainly not the kind of love that makes you swallow your pride, own up to your faults, and apologize because that's the right thing to do.

A single split soul makes me think of having all the same interests or priorities, like your significant other is exactly like you. And that's an awful thing to think of. If Mr. E were exactly like me, I don't think we'd have a very nice relationship. I don't think I would strive to be a better person if I didn't have Mr. E. And I don't think Mr. E would work as hard as he does if had someone just like him around. We have strengths and weaknesses that compliment each other, like...

Salt and pepper.
What our shakers USED to look like...
Source
Dinosaurs and food.
How we spice up our dinners
Adventure and romance.
Halloween 2012
Mr. E's my rock, my companion, my best friend. You could go as far as saying he's my soul mate. But I think that's where it ends- a mate is a counterpart. A pair. We go together, but we're not the same.                           

To Live Without Love

NaBloPoMo Feb 2013: Love & Sex



Do you think people can live without love?
Of people- including the self? Sure.
Of ideas- faith, knowledge? No.
Of things? Yes, but then I think that leads you back to a love (or a belief, if you will) of ideas.

I initially thought of this prompt as someone living without giving love, which I believe can happen. I don't think that it's completely absent from people, but there are those who don't/can't/won't give love to other people. However, then I thought about it from the other perspective...Can someone live without receiving love? 

What an awful thing to think about! Yet it happens, over and over, minute after minute all over the world, throughout history. And while I could (should?) make the case for unwanted children, I'm actually talking about pets. Dogs and cats and bunnies and... Un-neutered, un-spayed, breeding too young, given away, given up, donated, un-adopted and eventually euthanized.

I don't make much of a case for how people treat their animals. In a perfect world your dog or cat would be as much a part of the family as your kids. Taught to be polite, trained to be obedient and encouraged with positive actions. After all, you're the one who feeds them, cares for them, interacts with them on a daily basis. But each person, each family, has a different outlook on their pets- just as you have different outlooks on how to raise your kids.

I find it so disheartening that so many litters are bred accidentally- puppies and kittens with a bleak future and a short life. Not everyone is fortunate enough to have land or resources to raise an unexpected influx of animals. Even with social media outlets (Facebook, craigslist, Ebay classifieds) to let people know you have adoptable pets, once you pass a certain point those cute baby animals are less attractive and harder to get rid of. 
Rule of thumb, babies get adopted faster. 

It doesn't have to be like that. The strays on the street and the poor unadopted donations to the shelter could be prevented. 
     1. Unless you plan on breeding your animals, get them fixed as early as four months. Cats can get pregnant this early, and dogs at 6 months. That's barely out of babyhood and already a mother. 
     2. Adopt from shelters or reputable sources. With so many mixes and "-poos" being bred there are bound to be animals similar to what you're looking for at the local shelter. 
     3. Help out! Encourage others to spay and neuter their animals. Puppies, kittens, bunnies and the like are fairly dependent on people- for food, for space, for care. Animals who run wild have a greater likelihood of dying (poisoning, sport, hit and runs, wild animals) or being caught and euthanized (after a short trip to the shelter). 

In fact, we adopted Ripley through the local shelter! We had been talking about getting a small dog for almost a year- going through the motions, mapping out who would care for her at what times during the day, pricing food and toys and vets. When our landlady agreed to something small, we ran drove to the local shelter that day with a list of animals to see. We walked through the pens and found our sweet little girl: such a waggy-tail-happy-dog!


She was energetic and demanded attention, alert, clean and soooo loveable. She was the only dog we asked to see out of the pen and after a few hours of deliberating, we took the plunge. The OC Animal Shelter requires all animals to be spayed or neutered before being adopted, so we had to wait an agonizing week to bring Ripley home. But she was worth every second and every penny. 


Take the time to avoid accidents. Don't let your animals get into something you aren't prepared to take care of. 

Who Needs Love?

NaBloPoMo Feb 2013: Love & Sex

Erich Fromm said, "Immature love says: 'I love you because I need you.' Mature love says 'I need you because I love you'." How do you define mature love?

Spoiler alert: I don't understand this quote. I really want to be all philosophical and what not, really delve into what this means but I don't get it. Would this be as interesting if I had all the answers? 

Maturity...and humor.

I think the difference between the two loves is certainly maturity- but not the aged-cheese, better wine kind. The maturity that comes from living both of these types of relationships and realizing the one that bends the most, adapts the best and sacrifices daily without expectation is needing because of love. 

I'm surrounded by people in my life, and often I find myself pulled multiple directions by each of my relationships. 

Be a better friend, 

be a better wife, 

be a better employee. 

     Sometimes the obligations clash. Sometimes they coincide. Often times they ask me to choose one over another. But it's the relationships I cherish and love the most that understand my dilemma- you can't please everyone. But that doesn't mean I've failed or become unreliable. It means I am busy being supportive, acknowledging other relationships, encouraging friends and family in their endeavors. It means I am bursting at the seams with love for others...and the people I love the most understand that. 

I've fought (am fighting...) to put this realization into action. In order to live my life thoroughly, completely and with joy, I am busy surrounding myself with positive people. I have had too many downers, too many complainers, too many extremists taking up my time and energy. I have been exhausted trying to support them, broken-hearted trying to love them. 

I don't need that in my life. 

I don't need that anywhere, really. No one does.

I've grown up. I've moved on. I've matured and I don't want to let the opinions of others drag me down. I am giving the best of myself to those who want it, who need it and who love it. And that's the best feeling in the world. To come to the understanding that those who love me, know me and support me unconditionally. 

I love you, too.
I need you, too.

How do I define mature love? Acceptance. Support. Understanding. 
I don't need agreement, or mutual interests, or constant companionship. I need trust, real and deep. I need love without bounds, without terms, without rules. 

Love: Hate

NaBloPoMo Feb 2013: Love & Sex

Martin Luther King Jr. unpacked love and hate when he said, "I have decided to stick with love. Hate is too great a burden to bear." Which is easier for you to feel: love or hate?

Unfortunately this question is all too easy to answer. When I'm head over heels for something, I definitely fall hard, but I hold a mean grudge. Avoid thinking about middle school type of grudge. Avoid talking to ex-boyfriends type of grudge. Hide Facebook updates because I'm not quite brave enough to un-friend someone type of grudge (thank GOODNESS for hiding people from your newsfeed, amirite?)

Is this unhealthy? Yes. Is this a problem? Yes. Have I attempted to change this? Sure thing, babydoll.
I have always ascribed to the idea that if something (or someone) is painful or causing me to doubt myself, then I don't need it in my life. I'm better than that. I deserve more than someone who makes me feel inferior or somehow less. I don't regret shutting them out of my life, but sometimes I regret the way it happened. Point of fact, I think I've actually reached out to some of the major offenders and tried to make peace because I felt uncomfortable with how things ended. Granted, this may take time (years?) and the other person may have moved on, but I did the most I could do with what was given.

I have a hard time being positive. It's a flaw, a weakness that I don't like to talk about. Maybe by avoiding it, it'll go away. If I don't talk about it, no one will know. Inevitably, I am my worse critic. I know when I'm hiding from something and I know what I should be doing to rectify the situation or be the bigger person. That doesn't mean that I have to welcome every last person into my life, but I can come to terms with the fact that I feel better about myself surrounding myself with people who love me and care for me.

Source

These are the things I need to remember. Grudges don't affect anyone else as much as they affect (Consume. Take over. Dominate) you. 

What have I done to fix this? I'm learning to let things go. I don't stress over how people treat me. I remind myself of all the blessings and opportunities I have and I choose to see the good things here. Does this always work? Nope, because I am imperfect, but I'm working on it. And that's more than I can say for five years ago.

Favorite Movie(s)

If you're following along (a girl can hope) you know that I'm participating in Blogher's National Blog Posting Month...and it's kicking my butt. I thought choosing the shortest month would somehow make writing everyday go faster. Easy even. 

Not so, my friends. 

But I only have a few more days left, and we're going to make it work. Seriously. 

To do so, I'm ditching today's topic (most romantic read) because I can't think of one. Also, because most of the books I read lately are not romantic stories (wars, science fiction, memoirs). So here's a post I skipped because it wasn't ready...but look at how well that worked out for me. 

NaBloPoMo Feb 2013: Love & Sex





Name the most romantic movie of all time.
Whoa! Talk about a tough one today! I don't proclaim myself as a movie buff (I have a hard time keeping all the names, actors, directors, etc straight) but I watch a lot more movies than the average person. Or maybe not, who knows?

I'm not sure I can boil it down to one movie. I'd have to give you a top five.

City of Angels will always be my guilty pleasure. It makes me cry every.single.damn.time. I can't help it- Mr. Cage is so forlorn, so hopeful. He doesn't make any weird freak-outs, he's not trying to be strange or demented or chaotic. There's no vampires, no bees, no witches. It's a touching love story, the soundtrack is moving and Meg Ryan is just so dang normal, she could be your sister, your cousin or your friend. You just can't help falling in love with both of them.

500 Days of Summer is a sadly sweet story wrapped in layers and layers of wit, quirk and spunk like Christmas Day trifle from your guilt-ridden aunt. Each scene reveals a little more to document the rise and fall of a relationship: part exploration, part revalation, so much hope and hurt and expectation. I love how the film tries to justify the rose-colored world that Joseph Gordon Levitt lives in, ultimately revealing that wishing something (or someone) was a certain way doesn't make it true.

The Notebook is possibly my absolute favortie romantic movie despite the fact I can't stand other Nicholas Sparks movie adaptations. I don't understand the following behind his books- I've read smutty romance novels with more substance. But The Notebook just clenches your heartstrings and refuses to let go. It's the sort of all-encompassing love that you wish you had, you admire and look forward to. Thankfully, this is also a movie my hubby will curl up and watch with me (and take notes!).


I wasn't always a Pride and Prejudice fan. I read this book because it was a classic (I felt super accomplished reading Jane Austen and Margaret Mitchell in fifth grade) and although I liked it, it didn't come alive for me until the movie. Mr. Darcy is SUCH a tortured soul in the way he falls head over heels for Elizabeth, that you can't help but root for their relationship to win out over all societal boundaries. Plus, this movie is gorgeous, so you not only fall in love with the story, but the landscape.


My favorite movie (of all time, not just romance movies) is a small independent film and Sundance 2011 winner Like Crazy. I guess I have a thing for romance stories that are stretched, inherently flawed and ultimately realistic. Their conflict is real, their dialogue is real, their body language, their awkward pauses, their resolution is so normal. If I myself haven't had that fight I know someone who has. It's not happily ever after or the perfect ending, but it's a reflection of life, it's ups and downs and it's versimilitude.

LOVED this Week

NaBloPoMo Feb 2013: Love & Sex





"These new pretzels suck. I think this may have been a very bad idea."

Measurin' Up.

NaBloPoMo Feb 2013: Love & Sex

How did this Valentine's Day compare to those of yore?

Not too shabby.

We're on spending "ground zero" so we're making do with what we have, re-using, re-purposing, scrimping and saving to stretch our dollars. And while that was initially crazy to postpone our instant gratification, it's become so worthwhile. We focus a little more on each other, on ourselves and the things around the house that we've been putting off- cleaning the garage, taking Ripley for walks (BURN YOUR ENERGY OFF, DOG), cooking together. We're not entirely productive...unless you count knocking out seasons of Doctor Who. (Which, in our house, is totally productive when you have three separate stacks of recommended movies to watch: grab bag, re-watch and new movies)

So while most girls got flowers for Feburary 14th, I got a clean sink. A thoughtful card? I got a handwritten note warning me of 21 ninjas hidden around the house. I wouldn't give this guy up for the world.

So while he was at work, I-also did some house-cleaning, but more importantly- I made him dessert, following this recipe on Dana Made It. So easy, so simple and so scrumptious. I halved the recipe because we're only feeding ourselves, but even so, spread this on Ritz crackers and you have a sinful dessert.

Since the tone of the night began silly, I merely perpetuated the fun and challenged Mr. E to find his V-day dessert by following a string of yarn around the house- one end in the garage, the other in the bedroom. I'm not sure he was suitably impressed.

Sometimes, the best laid plans are tangled. The romantic dinner and a movie is outvoted by dessert first and re-watching Game of Thrones. Sometimes your dog would like to be snuggled, too. But that's okay. That's how life is for us. This is where we are and we wouldn't have it any other way. 

I Maybe Kind of Might Not Unlike It...

NaBloPoMo Feb 2013: Love & Sex

How do you feel about Valentine's Day?

Frankly, I'm ambivalent about the big V-day! I like it, but I think it might be a little overblown by commercialization also. I don't remember every being lonely on a Valentine's that I didn't have a boyfriend, but it was pretty nice when I did. 

If anything, I get a little stressed about the holiday: who do I send Valentines to? One sweeping gesture of children's valentines to all my friends? Just my honey? My honey and my nieces and nephews?

Do I go simple or ornate? Thoughtful or quick? A card? A bouquet? A favorite home-cooked meal? Something romantic, or something nostalgic?

I like the idea of Valentine's Day, because honestly, sometimes Mr. E needs a little reminder- better it come from a unrelated omnipresent (albeit biased) societal gesture than a nagging wife. :)

Source

You and me, babe. I love you more than milk and showers after getting your haircut.

     Now if you'll excuse me, I have 21 ninjas to find around the house...

If I Could Give You a Valentine...

NaBloPoMo Feb 2013: Love & Sex



If you could send out valentines this year as you did back in grade school, what type of valentine would you send out to your blogosphere class?
This creates a problem the same way choosing a wedding color was a problem: there are SO MANY beautiful handmade, unique, quirky, sweet combinations you could do that deciding on one is almost impossible.
Some of my personal favorites that I've seen:
Source

Source

Source

Source

Source: U-createcrafts.com

Source

Fav-o-rite Candy

NaBloPoMo Feb 2013: Love & Sex

What is your favorite Valentine's Day candy?

This is going to make me sound like such a glutton! Maybe I shouldn't be answering this question in that dead time between breakfast and lunch, when I'm really just running on oatmeal and coffee fumes.

Conversation Hearts (because they're easy and cute and so iconic)
Dove chocolate- usually milk, sometimes dark, always smooth
See's candy- usually the bordeaux chocolates (good GRIEF those are sinful!)
Peeps (also iconic also cute and so much fun to microwave)
Chocolate Covered Cinnamon Bears- normally just a Christmas treat, but I can't help myself

No Holds Barred Valentine!

NaBloPoMo Feb 2013: Love & Sex


What is your ideal Valentine's Day celebration?
Oh, this prompt's easy! 

Let's set the scene...

A twilight restaurant, dim lights, flickering candles (far away from Mr. E's sensitive eyes), brightly polished silverware and glasses that ting softly when you touch them. The room murmurs quietly, no one person too loud or too boisterous. 

Mr. E has a quiet smile on his face, one I've seen a million times before but still gives me butterflies. Will always give me butterflies. He's happy to see me happy. It doesn't matter what he wears, because it changes as easily as his mind...slacks, jeans, a button up or his ironed flannel shirt that brings out the soft green of his eyes. He always tells me that no matter what he wears when we go out, he always feels like a schmuck. I am wearing my favorite pair of heels (comfortable and cute) and I've made sure I've put on make-up...a girl needs to look her best when being taken out!

We talk about how happy we are, our plans for the future, utterly satisfied at this present moment. We don't have to worry about our dog, our finances, classes or work or family. All that matters is here and now.

We are both adventurous and safe in our food choices, picking and choosing, sharing and enjoying the flavors. Maybe it's filet mignon? An assortment of cheese and wines? Exotic dishes? Gourmet burgers? Whatever it is, we enjoy the experience.

When the dinner is almost over, Mr. E leans over and whispers once again how beautiful I look, how lucky he is to be here with me. This is why I married this man- my expectation of an ideal husband is met and exceeded each and every single day. 

Afterwards we stroll, arms linked. Window shopping. On the beach. Enjoying the sights and sounds of the city or the neighborhood. The world is an opportunity for the young and kid-less- we could stay out all night, talking of those things young people talk about, our dreams and our hopes for each other.

If we're feeling super generous (after dinner which may or may not have cost 2/5 of a TV) maybe small gifts are exchanged: a bracelet, cuff links, a movie to watch together. The gift isn't important, but the sentiment is.  

My favorite part of the night? The strength of our relationship. Once more tightening our bonds as husband and wife, partners and companions.

LOVED This Weekend

NaBloPoMo Feb 2013: Love & Sex

Where to start? I loved...being at my parents.

How happy my dog was.

Sewing all weekend.

Seeing my family.