said before, my husband doesn't "do what I want" because I'm in charge or bossy or dominating (at least I don't think!). I work hard to serve my husband: to understand him so we can better communicate and build a strong relationship that will last longer than we do.
But I do have one trick up my sleeve.
Whenever we have tasks that neither of us relish doing, I always give him the first choice.
"Hun, would you like to do the dishes? Or make dinner?"
"Do you want to help me make the bed? Or do you want to take the trash out?"
"Do you want to vacuum or clean out the car?"
I like to think that when I take charge to get something done, I turn right around and relinquish control of the situation to put us both on an even playing field. That way it doesn't feel like I'm ordering him around: this is OUR space, not mine, and I'm just as responsible for maintaining it as he is. But by giving him the choice between tasks, he feels more in control- like he's able to choose the option that he thinks least sucks.
Spoiler: sometimes both choices suck.
But he has a completely different attitude about what he's doing when he got to choose.
I'm not ashamed of the fact that I ruthlessly applied this tactic from a parenting magazine, but in the end what matters is the fact that BOTH chores are done with minimal blame or accusations- just the way I like it.