Let's All Resolve To...

This is my New Year's concession for blogging. It's almost expected, right? I need to write on all the ways that 2013 made me a better person, the obstacles I overcame and how I resolve to do amazing things in the upcoming year.

Maybe it's just the killer headache from too much holiday (remember that Berenstein Bears book?) or my absolute lack of enthusiasm for staring at my computer screen, but 2013 was a very angry year.

There was a lot of stress in our world when Mr. E graduated and we up and moved to LA- neither one of us particularly city-people. Sure, living here is great, but downsizing was a pain in the butt, budgeting is tough and we got slammed with a car break-down at the same time we were apartment hunting. Mr. E's playing heads-up-seven-up with jobs at the moment and I'm attempting that ruthless jump from temp agency to full-time employee- provided I continue to like this company.

But even outside our own sphere of the world things are looking pretty angry: we're hating on celebrities, we're hating on institutions, we're hating on everyone else's likes and dislikes, their choices, what they support, what they don't and how they do it. There's a lot of opinions out there, guys. I get it. There's a lot of ignorance, perceived or otherwise. There's anger and fear and shame and guilt and a whole host of negative qualities that could probably fill the internet a thousand times over.

I'll be the first to tell you that I can get angry easily. My coworker was very clearly (and very loudly) typing something repetitive today that just about had me kicking the cubicle wall (if I had to guess it'd probably be LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLZ,  the jerk). I get pissed when people go the speed limit on the freeway. I'm mad when my Disney Hidden World's game doesn't accept when I'm clearly pointing to the correct object.

None of this makes me happy.

I like to think that I follow a pretty wide range on the internet- those of you who craft, who read, who write, who snark, research, drink tea, hate tea, have kids, have dogs-who-think-they're-kids, love fandoms, love fans, support causes and just need somebody to talk to at all hours of the day (Hi, Twitter!). A lot of you preach to do what makes you happy. You pin it, you remind yourself of it all the time, but did you ever stop to think that it's less of an action and more of a choice?

World, let's make a resolution together. It doesn't have to be first or your list or kick off something else that's important to you. Can we please PLEASE remind ourselves to be happy. To let it go? To accept that the world does not play fair, does not have the same rules for everyone and we'll just have to agree to disagree sometimes. Stop the hateful comments. Stop the passive-aggressive responses. Every one of us is entitled to opinions but you don't need to say yours louder in order for it to be more correct.

I resolve to be a happier person in 2014.

I didn't need a generic time of the year to choose this, but it sure is a nice built-in motivator, isn't it?

Step Eighteen: Be Honest (?)

We've already talked about being honest with your husband- how omitting things, avoiding blame and outright lying to your spouse can lead to resentment and trust issues. And what's a relationship without trust? Not a whole lot.

So you know it's important to be honest with your husband, but an important step in the process is to be honest with yourself.

Chances are you know exactly what you can handle, but do you know how much your husband can handle? Do you know his breaking point? His comfort zone? These things aren't just nice to know- they're useful tools in gauging your husband's ability to juggle life's curveballs.

Keep it real, readers! Expectations are well and good but understand that your standards and his standards may differ. Communicate with each other, but above all, have realistic expectations. I would love to have my home sparkling and spotless when I come home each day, but that's not a very realistic request of my husband- just as he knows it's not realistic for me to make dinner everyday. When we commit to honest dialogue, we encourage a relationship that's built on more than just assumptions, but trust and respect.

Step Nine: Leading by Example and Pulling Your Own Weight

I expect a lot from my husband- not necessarily because it's my husband or even because he's a man, but because he's my partner. I work hard and I need someone who's going to work hard beside me. The best way to encourage Mr. E is to show him what I want. 
Now, this is much different from doing the things I wished he would do and grumbling about it. I'm not talking about holding a grudge against your husband and shouldering the work yourself. I mean leading him in service by showing him how you want it done. 

I've found that a big roadblock in a couple's relationship- whether living together or apart- is communication. That's a whole other blog post, but the essentials are the same: you can't expect your significant other to inherently know what it is that you're expecting, no matter how many times you've done it in front of them or with them or to them or whichever way. If you want something done specifically, take the time to show him. 

This idea applies to a lot of relationships- as evidenced by my mother. When we were old enough to clean the bathroom on our own she didn't just hand us a sponge and tell us to go at it, no matter how many times we had peeked at her scrubbing the tub. She wiped the mirror and rinsed the sink right there along with us so we had tangible evidence of what we were doing and why. From then on we had no excuses for an inferior scrub-job since she had shown us exactly how to do it.

The same is true for your husband! Leading the charge against the ever-piling dishes, or the leaning-tower-of-laundry shows him what's important to you- that you're not just asking him to do a chore because you're angry or bitter that he's doing something else. When your husband feels like the both of you are participating in a project (whether it's cleaning house or looking at finances) he's more likely to enjoy it because no one wants to do those things alone.

Pulling your weight in all manner of things "together" encourages communication and fosters strong relationships. It's kind of a guilt trip all on its own (without the nagging) because it shows him (not tells him) your work ethic and the standards you hold yourself to. Ideally, if you're keepin' it honest, he'll know it's expected of him too.

Step Seven: Show Him Some Love

Much in the same way that I need to foster a positive environment in order to encourage my husband to do things with me, part of that environment is giving Mr. E tangible reminders. Not only is this a sweet gesture, but it lets Mr. E know that he's important to me, that he's remembered throughout my day and that he's still (always) my main man.

I know that when this is done for me it certainly boosts my ego and encourages me a little further to help out in the things he needs.

There's a lot of exepctation in our society that wives are needy and husbands need to step up their game to assauge their wives, but I think this is sort of unfair. Mr. E needs to be shown on a regular basis that I'm thinking of him- partly because that's his personality, but also because hubbies have needs too!

Buy his favorite snack at the store, just 'cuz.
Leave him a love note: on the mirror, on the TV, on the bedside table- or all three!
Give him a hand massage.
Pull out his favorite movie to watch.
Make his favorite meal.

People are more likely to listen and follow what you need when you show them that they're appreciated before you ever have need of them. Mr. E knows that I give him affection more often than just when I need something from him, so he doesn't feel cornered or distrustful when those little gestures occur. Instead we've built a system of encouragement for one another through word and deed that shows that we listen and understand each other.