Step Eleven: Don't Set Him Up to Fail

In my experience, husbands are fragile things. They rely a lot on wives to work- much in the same way that wives rely on husbands, too. Men and women may be independent entities, but the identity of a "husband" is highly dependent on a "wife".

You know those couples you see that finish each other's sentences? Or always seem to know what the other is thinking? They operate like a well-oiled machine, many hands moving and working at once to complete whatever task they've focused on. I'll let you in on a little secret: this wasn't born overnight. 

That, my friends, was a labor of love. A towering building set on a foundation of communication and honesty.Yup, we've talked about those things before- they're just so important. These are the tools you need to encourage your relationship (and your husband) to succeed.

Don't feel like the two of you are on the same page? Take a minute to sit down and pin point exactly what's bothering you. Assuming the two of you take the exact same steps to solve a problem is just like setting your husband up to fail: your expectations don't match. And that's not a bad thing. 

We're pretty busy creatures of habit- used to doing things a certain way so often that we can do it blindfolded. So there's the expectation that because it's so easy for us (the asker) it must be easy for them (the doer). Whoops. When he comes home with the wrong brand of milk or washed your dry-clean-only coat on accident, maybe not all of the blame is his. 

When Mr. E and I were first married (heck, with only two years under our belt, we STILL are), it drove me crazy that he didn't know what type of milk we buy. Or where the extra plastic bags were. I had been buying and organizing these things, respectively, so often I could do it blindfolded. But he hadn't. Assuming that my easy tasks were also going to be easy for him was like sending him unarmed and unprotected into battle. That battle just happened to be set at the grocery store.

Okay, maybe it wasn't quite that intense. In essence, I was setting my husband up to fail because I hadn't provided him with the necessary tools to complete his task. (This applies to far more than just husbands, too!) Mr. E isn't quite so reticent when I ask him to do things because I make sure that he understands the task at hand before he's expected to do it. With a little bit of preparation (we buy Alta Dena whole milk) Mr. E completes these tasks with his eyes covered, too. 

He's even been known to take it upon himself and runs to the store during a break at work in order to grab a carton because he knows we're out. Love that man.