There are moments in my life in which I feel like I'm falling- from grace, to my knees, head over heels. My once proud stance has been revealed to be a tenuous perch on the mountain of my life. If I'm not careful, not watching, not vigilant, I'll topple over. And it takes so long to build myself back up again.
Mr. E and I are a mess of crazy right now- both of us job-searching, apartment-searching, soul-searching. We have less direction than a high school graduate (was I the only one who changed my mind over and over again?) and while exhilarating, it's terrifying. This only proves that it's the right thing for us to do because if you're not scaring yourself you're not doing anything and everything good comes from something hard, right?
These are the things I tell myself each morning, noon, and night. This is the mantra that gets me through the day without a bouncing rubber ball under my chest threatening to spew forth anxiety like the word-vomit I can never seem to contain. Have a minute? Let me tell you the story of my life. Maybe if I can enunciate it clearly a thousand times over, I'll finally solve this puzzle that is my brain.
Without planning or lists or organization I'm in free-fall, impatiently waiting for the universe to give me some sign to GO! I'm tense when I should be loose, worried when I should be working on accepting what's coming and living in the moment. I've lost the structural supports I've built in the last two years (stability and calm in this rickety rental I love so much) and I'm falling like Alice but she got out okay and I will too.