Wednesday, January 9, 2013

Where am I?

We have been roommate-free for almost two weeks now and I have to confess it's been a mixed bag of emotions.

On the one hand it's great- Mr. E and I are pretty well secluded in our own world. I like to think that we're still newlyweds (heck, we'll be newlyweds until kids), eager to spend all of our time together, making public appearances only when our Vitamin D has run low or we're out of anything green and leafy to eat. I always think of Gilmore Girls when Sookie tells Lorelai about being married to Jackson,
"We’re still newlyweds. We still sneak out of bed in the morning to brush our teeth, then get back in bed and pretend we just woke up smelling like that."
That is my life. Perhaps a bit naive and a little delusioned, but I've been told repeatedly that I need to live in the moment more and stop worrying about the future. This is where I am. I am weekend morning snuggles. I am walking the dog to pick up my husband from school and work. I am constantly re-arranging the couch from video game nights. I am baking and baking and baking so that neither of us miss our moms as much. I am pretending not to fall asleep during a movie. I'll move forward when I have to (my more realistic side is already counting down months and to-do's until the big move) but in the mean time I am enjoying the time I have. Because I don't know that we'll ever get this again. But. Having no roommate? Is stressful. The house is so empty with a bare room. We'll call out down the hall for Ripley and hear our voices echo and crash back at us, surprising our too-eager puppy. We'll watch a movie in the living room and I feel guilty that it's too loud- surely we're being inconsiderate- until I realize it's nothing but a hollow room behind us. I've sort of informally dubbed this year "
The Year of Less Worry". I've kept it to myself, sort of like a birthday wish, hoping that by staying silent my hope would become tangible. Ultimately I decided that I would rather own up and practice my wish for this year rather than leaving the responsibililty hanging. No roommate? We will find one. Not making enough money? We'll finally get on that and Craigslist all that stuff in the garage. Moving to LA this summer? I'll organize and clean and look for a new apartment. The rest will figure itself out.

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