Mommy Dearest

Readers: LISTEN TO YOUR MOTHER.

Otherwise you wear a hand-me-down skirt on your commute to work, only to realize three quarters of the way there that the slit in the back is so. long. that your unmentionables are clearly visible as you pass a storefront window.

So then you're forced to hold your beautiful gifted leather messenger work bag strategically behind your bare self. And fight the bright red blush you can feel crawling all over your body.

Sometimes you're lucky enough to be a crafty mother-duck and have embroidery thread for your cross-stitch in your bag.

And then you lock yourself in the biggest bathroom stall, pop a squat and sew the foot long slit with tiny black stitches.

Sure, you may never be able to face your fellow commuters again, but at least no one at work saw you. Like the little old Asian men who walked behind you up the stairs. Yeah, they definitely didn't see anything.