Thursday, August 29, 2013

Instructions on How to Move

Now that I'm all unpacked (say whaaaaat?), here are my tips. From a self-proclaimed pro with too much time on my hands.

Moving isn't easy, whether it's down the street or across the state (or country), but there are some pretty simple rules to follow to keep the stress levels down at a manageable level. Think "Eat my Feelings" vs. "Pull my Hair Out"

1. Move alone
That's right, first rule of thumb is move by yourself. In fact, the more selfish you can keep this act, the better. Not only do you know where everything is, but you KNOW EXACTLY WHERE EVERYTHING IS. Who needs a detailed box-by-box list of what is packed where? Only you can be blamed for breaking that family-heirloom deviled egg platter you've never used.

The best way to do this is to make sure that your significant other is working 60+ hours a week, driving an hour to and from work so that he (or she) is really tired when they get home. That way you're both so exhausted from working (you're packing and they're job-ing) that the SO physically can't help. At least that's what he said.

2. Wait until the last second to paint
Come on. You've been staring at those walls for weeks now, knowing that they need to get done, but nothing burns the fire under your butt like working on a deadline. Put all of those procrastination skills to use so that by the end of your six-coat work out, you're STILL able to see the blue glow on the wall- and it's not the reflection from your smelly tarp/dropcloth either.

3. Make sure you watch the entire season of something
 It doesn't matter what it is. Anything. You need something on in the background while you "pack"- by yourself. So dig deep and watch that show that you've never seen all the way through. My personal favorite was Charmed- good grief those ladies can't act.

4. Move on a weekday
Tetris-skills can be used in everyday life, folks! So when your current landlord has a fumigation appointment on the first but you can't hire a truck or corral people to help out until the third, that's when you've got to get puzzle-solvin' smart. Figure out which of your things are the most important and pack your new car with those things.
The rest can sit out in the fumigated garage.
That has an unlocked half door entry visible to the street.

5. Lose your momentum
No, really. Lose it. Lose it like your middle school diary. Lose it like that first pound of the new diet. Lose it like your cookies on a roller coaster. Because there's nothing better than wallowing in the middle of a paint-scented room, knowing that the carpet needs cleaning, the clothes need to be packed and all of your foodstuffs need to be mobile in 36 hours. That's the best feeling in the world.

FYI, someone needs to come up with that sarcastica font, ASAP.

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