This season of my life is like chewing with my mouthful. My eyes were bigger than my stomach and we decided- it seemed like a good idea at the time- to take a hefty serving of all the goodies life had to offer. But now I'm stuck with the laborious task of chewing and swallowing and I would like to give some back thankyouverymuch without looking like I'm hiding it discreetly in my napkin, but that's actually what I'm doing.
In this scenario I'm me, my food is various Christmas gifts, work projects and other obligations, while the act of hiding it all is really just prioritizing to Before Christmas and After Christmas. Some things just aren't making the cut.
Does that sounds awful? Because it feels awful. I'm happiest when I'm doing something, but I never seem to think that doing something for myself is very productive. In fact, I read this blog post the other day and nearly cried because inside I'm screaming "THAT'S ME! THAT'S ME!" but attention very quickly turned to the myriad of Christmas ornaments I'm decorating to send to friends and family this year.
Why can't I see myself as a priority? Why is spending time with my husband un-productive unless I'm dragging him to one errand or another until we both plant ourselves in cushions at the end of the day? I feel like I'm on a bad diet- the kind that starves you of the protein that you really need to stay full and satisfied, so by dinner you're so hungry you binge-eat all the things you were avoiding because you have no self-control anymore.
I need to stop dieting my life.
I need to stop restricting the experiences I'm ingesting because they're too rich: too expensive or too indulgent or take up too much time.
Life is a giant-size pair of mom jeans with an elastic waistband. No matter what I do, it'll always accommodate me. It may get a little tight at times, but it still goes on. It always goes on. It's just up to me to enjoy myself.
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Mrs. E